The number one complaint around the dating scene these days is the QUALITY of matches on dating sites. My girlfriends and I discuss the fact that we’ll get tons of matches if we’re aimlessly swiping but my guy friends tell me it’s really hard to get matches in the first place and if they do, they’re people they don’t actually want to go out with.
So what’s happening here? Let me break it down.
For women: Think about the guy/girl you swiped right on that was super cute but had one of your dealbreakers like… let’s say… a love of clowns. Why swipe? To see if they swiped too, of course! And then maybe you start talking to the super cute match and you start telling yourself that their love of clowns is something you can grow to accept. Because their eyes look sincere and they wants kids. Now you’ve got an app of matches that have dealbreakers. You think “What’s the harm in meeting them for drinks?” Well, the harm is, you’re wasting your time with someone you know you’ll ultimately hit a dead end with and you’ll be back to square one. The cycle continues.
Moral of the story: See a dealbreaker? DON’T SWIPE RIGHT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
Hahaha – okay, but besides that and only swiping on people you actually could see yourself with – you know all those tips and tricks about how to make your dating profile better? Listen to them! Good profile pics! Fun personalities! Be a gentleman! And be honest about what you want. I told a friend of mine to include “Not Here For Hookups” (because he’s actively seeking a relationship) and his Bumble account exploded.
In being honest you’ll get more matches and they’ll actually be way better quality. Follow the advice of what works and keep your standards high for someone you could see yourself with – not endlessly messaging tons of people without meeting in person because you’re just passing time.
To help, here’s the latest article from James Sama with 3 Mistakes You’re Making with Online Dating (And How To Fix Them) (oh and he’s a boss – you should definitely be following him).
For everyone: Even though it seems like the options are endless and that there’s no harm in swiping aimlessly and meeting people with dealbreakers just to try them on, this is the part where you’re going on dates with people that are emotionally unavailable, will ghost, and ultimately isn’t your *human*.
Since I personally reigned back in my standards and boundaries of online dating and stopped the aimless swipe, my content of people being idiots has dried up for this blog. I’ve met some really interesting and wonderful men that met my needs and wants in a partner. Unfortunately I haven’t met my *human* yet, but it’s been amazing to spend time with super quality people and treat each other with love, kindness, and respect. Who would’ve thought?
And yes, I’ve run an Aste report on all each one of them and they all welcomed it. #TeamNothingToHide
Time for you to check out the digital footprint of the person you connected with online – your mom would be proud of you.
Anyway – you deserve the best. The person you’re going to get into a relationship with is going to be a big part of your near future and hopefully for the rest of your life so please remember that it’s totally okay to be picky. Look for quality, don’t waste your time, and swipe with purpose. I repeat, swipe with purpose.
Love and light.