Yes, I catfished my boyfriend. I, the Head Sleuth of Aste that started this company after almost dating a bank robber, just started dating a guy I adored. Let’s call him Dick. The last 6 weeks have been super exciting filled with a few road bumps of me being like “I wish you’d text more but I’ll understand! I’m busy too!” and him being like “Hi! See! I’m getting better!“. He then ultimately told me he wanted to be exclusive, go on vacation with me on his upcoming trip to his timeshare (next week), and I think there were mentions of meeting the family.
*swoon* (he made my heart actually super happy)
I’ve been single for over two years now and obviously trying to navigate the waters of love and could still put myself out there for the idea of two brainwaves could still fall in sync. I met him randomly on Tinder and there was something about how funny he was that actually made me talk to him when I usually don’t date guys off Tinder. Our dates were epic. Our conversations were real. I felt safe.
There was some nagging thing in the back of my brain though. I could chalk it up to him not being an awesome texter, busy and a different communication style than I’m used to, and though he needed to be the loudest one in the room… these were insecurities that would pass. Because we’re rad together. Compromise. Grow. Do cool shit.
That is! Until I came across him on my fake work Tinder profile. Speaking of, do you know HOW F*CKING EASY IT IS TO CREATE A BULLSH*T TINDER PROFILE? Part of me thinks I should teach you. I will someday, promise. Or email me and we’ll talk. (update: I totally taught you here)
I swiped right with my fake profile and he wasn’t a match. K cool – of course not. He’s a lovely new boyfriend named Dick that adores me.
Let’s cut to spending the weekend together. He meets my bff. I travel north to meet important people of his. We spend so much time building on the blocks to be a thing. When he drops me off on Sunday, I’m hooked. Smitten. I adore this man.
Unfortunately, I have a notification from tinder and it says my alter ego has a new match. “Jennifer” has a new connection named Dick.
(a stock photo I found online – not me)
I assume that Dick was bored and swiped on this lady *yesterday* (but wait weren’t we together the whole day?) – but I also try to judge my gut feeling and something is still off, so I as Jennifer message him something lame.
Within hours of Julie (me) getting dropped off my new shiny amazing boyfriend – I was being given confirmation of new shiny amazing boyfriend agreeing to 9:30pm drinks with new match Jennifer. So… well, I went to the bar to watch him get stood up.
That was fun.
Me and a best girlfriend watched him get stood up, get angry about it, and when I sent him a very pointed message from Jennifer that I was actually Julie… watched myself get quickly unmatched and no longer spoken to.
He never even tried to talk to me about it. That was just kind of it.
FKKKKK I’m tired.
I’ve spoken multiple times about how I think online dating is ruining multiple parts of the progression of human connection – but I’m pretty sure that that there’s things to learn here. Dick technically had a girlfriend (two days after the yes! we’re a little tipsy and official talk!). If there was no Tinder, the unlimited swipe isn’t an issue. If he has deleted it because he wanted to be real, this blog post wouldn’t exist. But it looked to him that he was batting 1,000 – two awesome chicks wanna spend time with him!
Okay, let’s talk about how I just saved years off my life. I mean at one point does someone think “I should probably stop this and not see other women if I want the thing I’m pretending to want..” Or is this just the life they’re happy to lead? Who knows. But my biggest fear is having a long glorious relationship full of lies. Always be your truth, be who you want to be for living your best authentic life. Just please don’t hold the heart of someone else in your hands and mistreat it. That’s just not nice.
On the flip side, maybe if he had ordered an Aste Report, he would’ve known this chick wasn’t real before he agreed to meet up with her. Just sayin’.
So let’s learn a lesson and make sure you’re not getting catfished:
Further confirmation that I’m really good at my job.
Light and love always,