Buckle up your seat belts kids, this one is a doozy.
A friend of mine told me a story about a friend of his that ended up on the scariest first date ever. So I assume this is more like the telephone game where a couple of details may have gotten changed, but the whole of the story is true and utterly terrifying.
Since I can’t even remember the names of these people in an attempt to protect their identity, we’ll call the couple Dave and Mike. They met on Grindr in San Francisco and went out for dinner that turned into drinks, a couple more drinks, and then a nightcap at Dave’s house.
When Mike walked in Dave’s apartment he noticed there was a coffin in the middle of the room, and though he thought it was very odd, he assumed it was being used as a coffee table. Mike asked Dave about the coffin and Dave said that he has some dark decor tastes but not to worry. Mike shrugged it off and made the immediate mistake of not paying attention to the huge warning sign in the middle of the room and stuck around for the nightcap.
Dave goes into the kitchen to make drinks and comes back chatting about his decor style and after awhile brings back up the coffin. Dave gets up off the couch and starts to show Mike the coffin, explaining where he got it, opening up to show him it was empty and then suggesting that Mike would feel more comfortable with the coffin being there *if* Mike got in the coffin and got used to it.
(*Okay, so at this point of the date, you leave. LEAVE. Further advice? DON’T GET IN THE COFFIN.*)
Mike uncomfortably says he’s not really into it and tries to laugh it off but Dave somehow convinces him to get into the coffin. “Just for a minute, just so it’s not the awkward elephant in the room.” So Mike gets in the coffin and sits there for a second and in an instant Dave runs over to the coffin, picks up a rubber mallet and goes to grab the top of the coffin. Mike freaks and starts to jump out of it screaming “What the hell are you doing??????” Dave screams back “Nothing! Calm down, this is just some role playing to get me in the mood. Just let me shut it. JUST LET ME SHUT IT!!!!”
Needless to say, Mike ran screaming from the apartment and quit using Grindr forever.
Lesson to you? Know who you’re meeting before you go out with *anyone*. We’ll give you a full rundown on their digital footprint and make sure you’re not dating a sex offender, ex con, or crazy. Click here now:
And don’t get in coffins.
The end.
Love and light,
