Today we’ll be talking about how to end a new relationship… something we dread doing. So let’s say you meet a lovely new person through one of your dating apps, you fully vet them, and then you go out with them and have a great time. You’re both feeling good about the initial first date but you’re wondering… “Is this *the* one? Are all the stars lined up?”
The entire process of dating is slowly getting to know someone so you can decide whether or not this person is *your person*. There may be initial sparks, there may not be, but the initial sparks can fade and the non-sparks can grow… come on, we know this whole damn thing is a crapshoot. We give it some time. I mean the amount of variables that it takes to get two people to come together and spend forever together is a cosmic art in itself. And my grampa said it’s totally worth it.
Unfortunately we’ve recently found ourselves in a disposable society where so many people decide that this is the perfect time to ghost. And those people can go to hell.
Sure it sucks to have to tell someone you don’t see a future with them and that they aren’t *your person*. But what’s the alternative, staying in it to not hurt their feelings and waste everyones time? No.
All I know if that if the guy that asked me to be his girlfriend instead of telling me he wanted to keep seeing other people had been straight with me, I would’ve at least had expectations that maybe he needed more time or that I’d never be his person. Had the guy that was so excited to meet me after three weeks texted me “I actually can’t see you tonight, or ever.” instead of straight out disappearing into thin air actually been honest with me? Sure dude. It’s all good. You do you, I don’t know your life. The more honest you are to yourself and others, the more you’re falling in line with acting like a real f*cking human.
So if it’s time, here’s the minimum of how you end a new relationship with someone.
YOU TELL THEM.
Here it is so you can copy/paste if you need to:
“I’ve had a lot of fun, you’re really great, but I don’t see this going any further than what it is right now. I wanted to be respectful of you and our time together, and I really hope that you find what you’re looking for.”
Now of course, this is just the foundation of words to say to be respectful to another human that you just spent time with and got to know and have fun with. From there, feel free to get a little more personal, and remember to put yourself on the receiving end of the text and remind yourself what it feels like. Because you’ve BEEN on that other end. And that end SUCKS.
The main thing here is that it’s okay that it didn’t work. It’s okay if it didn’t work because you ended it or because they ended it. Two people gave this whole love thing a shot, found it wasn’t a forever thing, and freed up the space in both your lives for the actual forever thing to find its way in and actually work.
So again, don’t be an asshole. Don’t ghost. Don’t slow fade. Don’t bench. Don’t submarine. Be true to yourself about what you want out of a partner and a future and be emotionally mature enough to say what you need and stick with it.
Be good to your fellow humans.
And don’t date bank robbers. Because banks don’t carry much cash these days 😉
If you don’t want to end it with them afterall… know who they are with a full digital search. A real human on the Aste team checks 50+ major sources of public information to make sure you’re not dating a sex offender, ex con, or someone that’s already married. And if you find these things, you don’t have to end it nicely anymore.
Love and light.